Saturday, September 15, 2007

Deployment

This was the day I've been dreading for ages. I've been pretty good at holding back the tears and diverting my thoughts to other things as the days grew closer, but today there was no avoiding it. I had to watch him walk away, and there was nothing he or I could do about it. I suppose it was as quick and as painless as it could get. It wasn't long and drawn out or anything, but going back to his apartment before handing in the keys caused it to start sinking in. He's gone. There's no longer any sign that he was there only the screaming sound of nothing. His shoes are no longer by the front door, his toothbrush no longer by the sink, and even his car has left it's parking spot permanently. Now that I'm back at my own apartment I face the same common tortures. A bar of soap, an empty water glass, the indention on the new carpet where his duffel bag was. You know, just little things that never mattered before. I was done before I realized that I perfectly lined up every can of soda in my fridge the exact way he had it in his own with all the labels facing out. V8 then Dr. Pepper then Coke and finally Sprite with one Coke Zero in the front. It's perfect. I don't even drink those things, but I suppose I thought maybe if he needed them everything would be ready and in it's place. Now I just need him to be in his place..... right here.

12 comments:

Nikki said...

I'm so sorry your loved one is gone. I know first hand the wretching feeling you get as you see him walk down the tarmack to board his departing plane. Please know that my prayers are with you and with him. :)

Corie said...

So sorry you are sad. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Debbie/StudioBeeCreations said...

My heart hurts for you...I am here for you.......

Alexandra said...

Hi there, I am new to your blog and I am assuming that your significant other has just left on a long deployment. Hang in there, it DOES get easier! I was in Iraq for several months last year (24 years in the Navy) and left my hubby and three kids behind. It is VERY hard so keep yourself busy, surround yourself with those that care about you, and write to him often because that will help both of you. Keep the faith girl - remember, this is what we do! *STAMPIN HUGS* Alex

Kathy said...

I shed some tears for you. I pray God's protection over your loved one while away and strength for you to endure this time apart.

wanda box said...

keep the faith, I will pray for you and your loved one. My wish is for you to find comfort from your friends and family. God Bless you

Brenda B. said...

I am certain that all of the sympathetic sentiments have been expressed so as a " been there done that many times " friend I think I will say what you need to hear...
" Arghhh I hate this stinking war and this Army..why you , why does this have to happen, you feel so sad, and so bad...ugh..." now go ahead and cry and cry some more and I will cry with you, maybe we can scream and yell .
You have to develop a new routine, a new habit, it is the only thing that works. And remember life will change some, you just need time. The great thing about living is life itself, every day is different.
Hang in there BabyDoll !

i'm a little barefoot said...

aww lo-e, put them big girl panties on and go buy your self something shinny... i think thia will bring you insperation for more scrapbooking. i love you

cndymkr said...

I wish I knew what to say. I can only tell you that I'll be thinking of you and praying that you will both be safe and together again very soon. It sucks and there is no way around it. Cry, get some chocolate, get out of the apartment (walk the puppy), get some more chocolate and pour your heart out to your friends and family.
jean

Nikki said...

Well I have something to keep your mind occupied...and maybe even make you smile!... You've been tagged! You can check out my blog to see what you need to do if you choose to participate! Hope you have fun with it! {smiles}

~Deborah~ said...

Ive been there 2 times! And i know first hand the emotions you feel! Please know that you both are in my prayers!
~Deb

Leslie Miller said...

That's miserable and I'd never want to go through it. I'd never get used to it. My heart really goes out to you, Laura. I know you'll manage to fill your time and feel a little better, but it'll be hard at first. Give Lilly some extra hugs and have some good, long talks with her. She'll listen...when she's not being a little mischief maker. Take care.