Thursday, March 13, 2008

I'm Not Fat

I haven't shared anything about this subject, but something pushed me to let it go... Actually, someone said I look fat, and I lost it. It's been nearly two years now since I started treatments to rid myself of some "bad cells" as the doctor first described what I now know as cancer. I'm sure we all know someone who has it, or you've even had or have it yourself. It's not fun, and it's scary no matter what type or severity you have. The word "cancer" just flashes sweet memories of my Aunt Sarah. It was my senior year of high school when she was diagnosed one day and gone the next. I didn't even know what was going on until I saw her in a hospital bed so stocked with medications that I doubted she knew I was even there. I can still see her there and hear the moans that I never was able to escape. I never got the chance to say my goodbyes, to hug her one last time, or even tell her how much I love her. I hope she knows. Anyhow, I've done a few different recommended methods of treatment from burning it off (stinky!) to getting huge butt shots (owwie!). One day I'm feeling great and the next day I can't venture two feet from a bucket. I've gained 20 pounds, my skin is pale and pasty, my hair falls out constantly, I've got two black eyes, and I'm just so tired all the time. I'm emotionally and physically drained constantly, and there are days when I just want to throw in the towel... but I don't.

15 comments:

Jan Scholl said...

10 years ago I was very ill and got down to 81 pounds on a 5foot 4 frame. I wrote a will. I did not eat solid food for over 5 months. All the meds, the humiliating tests, 6 hospitizations. I was dying before my own eyes. I wet myself at night. then I was able to eat a half hard boiled egg. it was one step back to real. until my mom told me I was fat at 100 pounds. I will never forget that. I would rather be fat than dead. I would rather be ugly than dead. You sweet one-are beautiful. I love to visit here and see your eyes light up in your photo. Don't listen to the idiots of the world. it is their own inadequecy that makes them say stupid things. Live, get well, and be happy. You are the yellow of the world! so shine!!

Melissa said...

I completely agree with Jan! Most of the time people say horrible things about others to make themselves feel better. Don't let them get ya down - they don't know anything!

Praying for you,
Melissa

Wife2TJ said...

I am so sorry someone was so inconsiderate to say that you are not fat. I can see your photo on your blog and you are beautiful! Some people are just dumb! -Samantha

Amie said...

Hi Laura,

What a dick.... Ditto what the other ladies have said :o)

Have a great weekend
Amie xx

Debbie/StudioBeeCreations said...

YOU are my BFF!!!!.....and you are NOT FAT!!!!.....you are beeeeeeeeeeautiful...talented....and MY HERO!......love you, LB!!!

Jen said...

My prayers and thoughts are with you during this trying time. Like the others have said your a beautiful person on the outside and the inside. I love coming to your blog and seeing what you are up to and it made me very sad to know someone said that to you. Some people are just plain hateful.
-Jen

Stephanie Earls said...

Do you know my Aunt Dot? She is the only crass enough person I know to tell someone she is fat and Aunt Dot ain't skinny either! Love you beautiful girl and your face just glows in your photo on this blog. Hope you get to feeling better soon. Hugs to ya! Post that rude person's addy and we'll all go egg their house! Wowwee, I have not egged a house since high school.

jayne said...

Hey Kiddo
Just by reading this you have a lots of people who care about you out here! I can't imagine what you are going through but we miss you. Who would take care of Lilly if you threw in the towel, what about the people you helped at that accident , hang in there

Shannon said...

Girl - you are far from being a fat chick. One can only suspect that it was some man that told you this. You are a survivor, a fighter and a beautiful woman inside and out. I don't want to come here and read about you calling yourself fat again. If you do - I'm going to have to come down there and kick your skinny butt.

Michelle said...

Keep your chin up and keep on fightin, we're all out here in blog land rootin for you and prayin hard for you health and healing. Cancer is very indiscriminate. I'm sure everyone knows someone affected by it. Hang in there. Screamin Eagles are FIGHTERS and your no exception. Don't worry about the fat thing people are stupid sometimes..

Michelle

~*~Dena~*~ said...

I totally agree with everyone here. I love coming to your blog. Please never listen to others. People like that talk out their butts not their mouths. As my sister use to say...."Opinions are like buttholes everyone has them, and some of them just stink...."
Your truelly beautiful, very creative and keep that chin up girl... God has big plans for you!

Alexandra said...

How totally senseless and dumb for someone to even say that!! Laura, you are a beautiful girl, and let me tell you what, you keep doing what you are doing to keep yourself well and know that there are lots of us out here who love ya!!! Since my hysterectomy, I have gained 40 pounds and you know what? My friends still love me! So, be happy with yourself and concentrate on being healthy! *STAMPIN HUGS* Alex

eekabear14 said...

Honey I don't even know you that well but I feel like I have a connection with you. I'm so sorry you have to go through things like this. You are so beautiful and it sounds like whoever said that is just insecure.

lauren said...

Oh Laura! I'm so sorry to hear about all of this! Have we not been doing this since high school? People are so cras and rude! And they don't realize how deeply it affects us. Reminds me of sweet Anna. I hope you get to feeling better, my endo buddy, and know that you are beautiful!!!!! Love ya-

JenMarie said...

So sorry to hear all that is going on. You are in my prayers!
Sending {{HUGS}} your way!!!