Thursday, March 13, 2008
I'm Not Fat
I haven't shared anything about this subject, but something pushed me to let it go... Actually, someone said I look fat, and I lost it. It's been nearly two years now since I started treatments to rid myself of some "bad cells" as the doctor first described what I now know as cancer. I'm sure we all know someone who has it, or you've even had or have it yourself. It's not fun, and it's scary no matter what type or severity you have. The word "cancer" just flashes sweet memories of my Aunt Sarah. It was my senior year of high school when she was diagnosed one day and gone the next. I didn't even know what was going on until I saw her in a hospital bed so stocked with medications that I doubted she knew I was even there. I can still see her there and hear the moans that I never was able to escape. I never got the chance to say my goodbyes, to hug her one last time, or even tell her how much I love her. I hope she knows. Anyhow, I've done a few different recommended methods of treatment from burning it off (stinky!) to getting huge butt shots (owwie!). One day I'm feeling great and the next day I can't venture two feet from a bucket. I've gained 20 pounds, my skin is pale and pasty, my hair falls out constantly, I've got two black eyes, and I'm just so tired all the time. I'm emotionally and physically drained constantly, and there are days when I just want to throw in the towel... but I don't.