Thursday, May 8, 2008
One of Those Days
Do you ever have a day when the smallest seeming thing just sends you into tears? Well, I'm having one of those days. I really think it's an accumulation of so many things, but you know what they say about the camel's back... Although there are a couple other females that work here somewhere at the school with me, I mostly interact with men. Let me remind you that I am in the Army, so we can't flirt or dress cute or do anything that the average workforce would consider socially acceptable or just plain normal. You can't tell someone "You look nice today!", or you'd be accused of sexual harassment. The military is very strict on these things. I don't know how any female could begin to look "nice" in a man's uniform anyhow. My clothes are so baggy and bulky. Even my knees rub together when I'm wearing my fitness uniform. Who's crotch hangs that low, really?! I think someone was thinking entirely too generously when they designed those things. Since we aren't allowed to say most compliments and pleasant things to each other, they instead dish out rude elementary verbal slaps. Keep in mind though that around here we can only say something disrespectful to someone whom we don't out-rank. I'm on the bottom of the totem pole here, so that means I'm the target for all of the jerks here. I'm the butt of every joke it seems. Sometimes I can laugh with them, but other times they're just plain mean. Anytime there's a screw-up with paperwork it somehow ends up being my fault too. The top guy blames the guy under him and the guy under him and the guy under him... all the way until it crashes down onto me. I guess today it just got to me a little. The weight was just too much for a second. I cracked. I shed one tear in the privacy of a community latrine. You're not supposed to do that here either though. You can't be weak. At least you wouldn't dare let them find out. Who wants the enemy to have more ammo?! Not me! I think being a single Soldier is another issue that I have a difficult time dealing with. I'm the only single Soldier at this unit. I don't mind being single in the general aspect, but little things like not hearing my own name. I'm "SGT Barefoot" here. I just want to be "Laura" every once in a while. And what about being able to vent? I can't talk to people here about personal matters, and really there is no one to talk to at work that would actually listen without laughing. This blog does help to an extent, but I'm not allowed to say so many things I would rather scream than type. I can't even remember the last time I had a hug. My birthday is just a couple of weeks away too. I bought a box of butter pecan cake mix and cream cheese frosting to make cupcakes as normally do. Baking cupcakes has been my main celebratory event since I've been stationed away from home. My birthday happens to fall on a Wednesday this year. I can't ask off a day in the middle of the week. It doesn't work that way. So instead, I'll be sitting at my desk knowing the whole time that today I am 24. I'm one year away from being able to rent a car on my own without any extra insurance, waivers, or signatures, I'm officially in my mid-twenties, and other than the annual phone call from my mom reminding me that today I made her a mother no one will say anything to me regarding my special day otherwise. I just hope it's one of those rare days that I make it safely under the radar and perhaps manage to get home early enough to see any bit of remaining sunlight.