Friday, October 31, 2008
It didn't dawn on me that today was Halloween until I went to the doctor's office this morning. I had to go for a follow up appointment, so there's nothing to worry about there. It certainly doesn't feel like Halloween usually does. I'm not sure what it's supposed to feel like, but however it's supposed to feel it just doesn't. No decorations. No costumes. No pumpkins. No candy. Lilly Belle and I do have matching skeleton tshirts that glow in the dark though. I bought them a few weeks ago when I was more in the mood. Time seems to really be zooming by lately. I find myself thinking about a lot of things I wouldn't normally, but I'm blaming it on the fact that I deploy in a month. I'm savoring so much of life right now. You know, little stuff. Stuff I won't have for a while. Mexican food. Manicures. A curling iron. High heels. Hugs. My first name. Lilly Belle. Christmas. Babies. Blue jeans. Warm from the oven cookies. Icy milk. My car. Baths. Make up. My birthday. My family. There's so much around me that I've never stopped to be thankful for. Stuff I didn't even think twice about. I have so many gifts to be thankful for, and so many things I am undeserving of. Too often I feel like I'm alone in my walk through life, and that God has turned his back on me. It's so easy to get lost in this world. I fight daily with that, but with one step back I can see clearly that I am never left to be alone. God is in every breath I take and in every beat of my heart. He's wrapped around me screaming he loves me, and all I have to do is listen. Sometimes that's the hardest part. I need to push away all the noise in my life and make a quiet place for Him. I need to let him guide me in the right direction instead of fighting it. I need to do the right thing no matter how difficult it is. I need to face my faults and weaknesses. I need to have faith that everything will turn out just right. And I need to keep pushing through the darkness and doubt. I will make it, and I will be okay.