Crazy Life

(I like to think of songs to go with my posts, so I added one to my playlist down on the side menu to the right. It's called Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. Turn on the volume and set the mood...) Man! Things have been crazy lately. Some days I wish I had more of a boring life. I've been home a couple times in the past month or so. Family is still dramatic. It always is. My love life is nuts as usual as well. As of the moment: I'm single. You'd think I was juggling half a dozen guys at once with all the emotions that are flying around though. My last boyfriend broke up with me right when another ex comes back into my life. Irony always finds a foot in the door, doesn't it? Anyhow, I feel like I'm in a love triangle now or something of a midnight talk show interest. I'm single, so I should be free of all blame and guilt and strings from either end, but instead I'm surrounded with everything but content. This last guy totally makes me feel guilty about everything I've ever done from the start. I'm not sure if it's a manipulative thing, or if I really am a total screw-up. You know, it's hard to see something beautiful looking at your own reflection, but he made me see it. He had me wrapped up in a dream. I was a star brighter than the moon itself. It wasn't long after though that every vessel and pore in my body exposed some sort of flaw. I was over-weight, someone who didn't care about my appearance, a domestic failure, not classy enough, a bad driver, and not to mention completely boring with a fake affection for babies. I'm sure glad he pointed out that I'm such a cruddy girlfriend. Wouldn't you want someone to tell you how sucky you are? I don't want to live in a bubble! (Babies do smell a bit musky now that I step back and look at the big picture.) I have to be a hero and a homemaker, a lover and a fighter, a woman and a warrior, and all the while wearing control top panty hose! I mean, he's the one who started getting back into the dating scene while we were still in a "committed relationship". Isn't that cheating??? Didn't he just get out of a relationship because his ex cheated on him??? There's good ol' irony knocking at the door again...