Synopsis

Well, after I wrote that last post I went back to work, and something big went down. Maybe I should start from the very beginning... I'll try to keep to the main events. As I've mentioned, last fall I was assaulted by an authority figure in my unit. A big investigation happened, and I was told to keep my mouth shut while all this happened. He was immediately removed from the unit temporarily until the investigating authority was able to put forth a conclusion on guilt. I however had to stay at the unit during that time. It was quite a lengthy amount of time for the investigation to wrap up, but when it did I found myself still at the school. I was told that it wasn't a good time for the unit since the other person in my section was retiring. We needed to find and train a replacement before I could leave. The next excuse was that I needed to find and train a replacement for myself. These two new people and now a third and fourth have come into my section and are fully capable of doing my job, but still I haven't left. Why?! A couple months ago I finally asked my big boss what the deal was. He then said I just needed to go find a a job somewhere else. I did, but still I stayed. Then I was told I needed to take a couple of classes to benefit my career. What? At this point I knew there was no way they were going to let me leave willingly, so I went to visit one of my good friends for advice. She's one of those gals that knows it all and will tell me exactly what I need to hear when I'm falling apart. She told me to call up my branch manager (the person in charge of assigning medics to different units across the whole Army) to let them know my situation. I did, and in a blink I had orders sending me to another unit at Fort Campbell. I thought everything was finally going to work out until the assignments manager here at Fort Campbell called to talk to my big boss. It turns out he put a lock on my position so no one could move me. I broke down at that point. I sat in my little cubicle at work and balled my eyes out. I should know by now that I can't do anything in private at work, because just when I thought I was alone another head honcho walked over to ask what was wrong. I spilled the beans and he sent me to the commander's office where I spilled the beans again and a few more tears. The commander had no idea that all this was happening and made me feel better about the situation, but also told me that he'd have to talk to my big boss before he'd let me go. This was what I was dreading. I went to lunch for an hour, and came back hoping all was well. I wasn't in the door two seconds before my section leader called me in for a verbal smack down for jumping the chain of command. I asked permission to explain myself, but he said "I don't want to hear it!" So, I just sat there and took it. Finally, at the end of my lashing he asked me if I had anything to say for myself. I started to cry again followed by babbles of everything that had transpired over the past year all the way up to earlier that day. He then proceeded to tell me that I was being released to another unit on post. I didn't know what to think. I couldn't think. I was drained emotionally, but so relieved to be rid of my poison. I still don't have orders yet, but I hope and pray every spare second that they'll come today. I dread every breath I have to take in that place, and I know that I'm on the edge of screaming at the next tick of the clock. I'm holding back the rage and anguish with every thread of strength I have at this point. I just hope I can hold up a bit longer.

Falling into Place

Things just seem to be falling into place lately. It's amazing how I'm able to see events slowly unfolding in my favor. The power of prayer really is an everyday miracle. I felt like I was experiencing a break down this past week with going to the emergency room, my grandfather's passing, coworkers with cruddy attitudes, and even a few bad hair days thrown in. I've been working at the school for about two and a half years now, and it's really been eating at me. I felt like I was going to snap at any time. You're not supposed to be in a unit like mine for more than 24 months. It's high-stress to say the least, and really I cannot progress in my career without going back to a regular unit again. After I was assaulted last fall by one of my co-workers I asked to move away from the unit. They convinced me that I would be at the top of the list to move, and all I needed to do was cross-train a new person for a couple weeks before leaving. It's been nearly a year now, and I'm still living in my prison. Working at the school was amazing before all this happened. I felt like I belonged. A couple months after the incident though, my coworkers started to drift away from me. It's like they're scared that I'll start crying at any minute, or if they give me a high-five I'll claim assault on them too. It's like I have cooties! I need a new start with new people. Somewhere that I'm not known as a victim or a liability. Like I said, things are falling into place for me, and I need this more now than ever. I'll keep you posted...

Punching Bag

My life is never less than a roller coaster as some of you may know. All of our lives are that way, but this past week has been especially coaster-ish. I try not to complain about my job publicly too much, but I'd be a liar to say I love it all the time. Like I've said before, I LOVE being a SOLDIER, but sometimes I don't love the tasks, the people, wearing green all the time, the waking up early, not being able to keep a nice mani/pedi, and lots of stuff. It's all the little things that I would probably find in any other occupation as well. Those little things though are what seem to break me down as of late. I think my family matters are built up in me too. How do you mourn and move on when you're only allotted a day and half? I wasn't back to work after the funeral for more than an hour before someone decided they needed to break me down (repeatedly). I'm sure it's merely coincidence and lack of tact that this person chose to use those words at that moment, but at the same time I can't help but feel like they're purposefully attacking me for some personal reason of their own. I can't even begin to understand why someone would choose to be so cruel. We all have bad days, and we all take things out on people who don't deserve to be in our cross-fires, but this has been going on for the entire week. It's like a switch has been flipped suddenly. I'm not the only one being used as a punching bag for this person though. I'm just tired of having to hold my tongue sometimes, but really it's probably for the best. I mean, what would snapping back do anyway?

Miss Piggy

Christmas Mini Album

Well, I'm headed to Texas here in a few minutes, but wanted to leave on a better note. I've been working on this interactive mini album for the new store I'm teaching at. It's called Scrappucino. It's fun just to say that, isn't it? I'll be teaching it next month, so if you're in the area I'd love to see you there. We'll be having Christmas cookies not to mention tons of FUN! Anyhow, here's a peek for now:

Rest in Peace, Grandpa

Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die.

Happy Birthday

DEBBIE!!!!

Coffee with Jesus

I saw this video played in church last Sunday, and I immediately saw my self as the guy in the clip. Too often I just shoot God a little ditty of a prayer. A lot of times I end up just asking for things to go my way instead of really taking the time to talk to God and really open myself up to listen in return too.

P.S. His name is Chris, and after five dates I finally got a kiss! Whew! :-)

UpDATE

This past weekend was pretty busy. I had to stay late after work on Friday for an hour just to shred mounds of paper. I was pretty antsy the whole time considering I had a date that night to get to all the way in Nashville. It's about 50 minutes from here, but I had to get de-funked from being in my Army garb all week long. Anyway, right after I took a shower, changed into something cute, did my make up, blow-dryed my hair and even curled my lashes, (which I NEVER do), he called to cancel. Boooo! He said he had some stuff to do for school, so we decided to meet on Saturday for lunch instead. Again, he called and canceled at the last minute! I couldn't let another perfectly good face of make up and a fabulous head of hair go to waste, so I packed up all my scrapbooking projects and drove into Nashville anyway. I needed to go to JoAnn's to pick up my fabulous new sewing machine. Debbie is going to give me some lessons, so I'm pretty excited. I've been stitching by hand on my cards for a while, so this will make things a ton easier and faster. On my to JoAnn's I stopped at a cute little scrapbook store that Debbie and I like to swing into every so often. I took all my projects in and showed the owners. Long story short: I'm a designer for the store now! YEAH!!!! That crappy Saturday sure did turn out a lot better than it started. That night a new guy started messaging me from one of my many dating sites. We talked for two and a half hours before it started to get too late. Before I said "good night", he invited me to church the next day for our first date. I didn't know what to think. Sure, it's a "safe" place, but really church is so personal and intimate for me. I was a little nervous and freaked out, so I said I'd think about it. The next morning I woke up to a text message from him asking me to consider it again. His sweetness defeated me, and two hours later we were at church together. I loved it! I think I'll keep going to this church even if he turns out to be a schmuck! Anyway, after church we went to lunch and talked and talked and talked until near dinner time. We went our separate ways. About three hours later I couldn't stand it anymore, so I invited him over to help me frost cupcakes. He mentioned liking them earlier, so of course I had to bake some. Gotta work it, right? This time we talked until around 0230 in the morning! Madness! Yes, I know. So then we really said, "good bye". I had to be at work in a few hours anyhow. After work today we went out to dinner and stopped at Walmart for some ice cream on the way back. We ended up hanging out until just a few minutes ago, but I'm already wishing I could see him again right now.

Making Memories

Oh, what a great Friday! Work is over, and the weekend is HERE! Yes! AND... Check out who the Making Memories Guest Designer is over on their awesome blog. Yep, it's ME! I can't tell you how much I adore every single collection that's out right now. It's all just so yummy! I'll be featuring some more of their products this week, and I'm also giving away some delicious Making Memories blog candy filled with paper, ribbons, embellishments and MORE!!! You have up to TWO chances to win. Okay, so here's what you have to do: Leave a comment on THIS blog post for one entry, then head over to the MM Blog HERE and leave a comment for a second chance to win.

Well, since he mentioned it...

I figured it was okay to share the email I just received from the guy in the photo booth on the last post: "Hi, it's me. This is really really hard for me, and I know it makes me a big jerk. I think you're really cool, and I had a great time with you on Sunday, but there's someone else who I'm pursuing a relationship with :( I don't want to lead you on and be a bigger jerk-face than I already am. Anyway, I wish you the best, and I know you'll find someone great to settle down with...just stay away from those guys who pee on your car. I hope you have a good weekend :( and if you feel like you need to bash me on your blog, I'll understand :(" I guess I should stop telling people I'm into blogging when they ask what my hobbies are. I just can't find it in me to mad at him anyway, but now I'm wondering if he ended up with the waitress that served us earlier on our date. He seemed to hit it off more with her than me. They're both displaced from Michigan. He came down here for a job, and she came down here for a couple different guys... Well, I hope he didn't end up with her! I'm not sure how that would affect my ego. I'd better not ask. All is not lost though. When one door closes another opens, right? The second email in my inbox was from another dating site dude asking if I'd like to meet him on Friday at a little hot spot in Nashville. Sure, why not!? I had a golf date for Saturday too, but that guy seems to have disappeared randomly, so I don't know about that one anymore. I told some coworkers about my four dates last weekend, and they all laughed. Am I really ridiculous for doing this online dating stuff, or am I dating too much? Please, someone feel free to dish out a reality check at any time. If it were up to my mother I'd have a new date every night, but then again she'd be picking out the guys too!

Four Dates in Four Days

Whew! Labor Day weekend gave me a four-day vacation from work, but there was little rest to be had. I freakishly ended up somehow with four dates in one extended weekend. Crazy! I haven't been on a date in a while. Where did all these guys come from? This is the only date I was able to get evidence from. I LOVE photo booths! I think they should put these things up at our offices. What would you do if you had a photo booth at work!? I can only imagine the pictures our guys would come up with....